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How You Can De-Escalate & Resolve Hostile Conflicts.

How You Can De-Escalate & Resolve Hostile Conflicts.

“People’s ability to control their anger is, in part, a function of the way they view the world…For some the world is a hostile, angry place. For others, it is as tolerable as we can make it.”

Sometimes when you can’t remove yourself from frustrating situations, you have to resolve it.  You have to learn how to “de-escalate”:

Reduce the number of angry exchanges.

Refrain from making the situation worse.

Prevent people from getting hurt.

“Learning how to de-escalate conflict is an essential part of conflict resolution. Not only are you controlling your own anger, you are also managing and controlling the other person’s anger.”

Use the following last steps called “LASH,” to de-escalate:


Identify communication patterns.


Figure out whether or not they serve your goals of resolution and harmony.


Put an end to destructive patterns.

“Hand out help”

Meeting anger with anger just makes things worse: you get locked into a “destroy-destroy” mode of interaction. Sometimes, just the offer of help can be enough to shift interactions to “win-win.”

Gaining control over a frustraiting situation will help reduce your anger and frustration. As you pull back and decrease your personal involvement, you’ll stop reacting out of your pain and emotions.

“In small, tightly knit groups, a buildup of frustration and pressure can escalate anger between people quickly and very destructively.”

6 Skills to keep yourself from becoming a “conflict producer” and turn into a “conflict resolver.”

“Active listening”

When you listen actively, you help people calm down. Keep them from adding fuel to the fire and figure out why they are mad.

“Acknowledging an adversarial point of view”

Recognize and respects everyone’s view points.  You have to use appropriate words and body language to communicate respect and acceptance.

“Avoiding angry questioning”

Avoid rhetorical questions such as, “What’s wrong with you?”

“Economical communication”

The key is to neutralize and listen.  Get to the point and let the other people speak.

“Degreasing and debarbing communication”

Avoid sarcastic and judgmental comments.  State only facts and be positive.


Point out things that are not working and refocus the conversation.




Anger Management Book Cover Anger Management
Peter J. Favaro
Family & Relationships
Career Press
September 1, 2005

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